Interview With... John Grochalski

1) The world ends in 24 hours. How are you spending it?

Drinking vodka on the couch with my wife, and listening to Bruce Springsteen.

That or walking around pointing and screaming: “Told you not to vote for Trump, asshole! Now look what happened!”

2) What was the first book you remember reading?

With a parent it was Charlotte’s Web. On my own a Sesame Street book entitled “The Monster at the End of This Book.” It was all about Grover trying to stop you from getting to the end of the book because there was a monster there. Turned out Grover was the monster. Go figure.

3) What is your favourite book / one book everybody should read?

My favourite book is Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. Without it I wouldn’t be answering these questions and would probably be working in a bank. One everybody should read? Can’t go wrong, especially in the States, with Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between the World and Me

4) Bruce Springsteen once told me about his hometown. Tell me a little about yours.

I grew up in a suburb of the city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Penn Hills. It was mostly dull and white. I have a lack of imagination as a result of growing up there.

5) What are you most afraid of?

Other than Donald Trump becoming President of the United States? Leaving the oven on, burning down my apartment as a result and going to prison.

6) What makes you feel nostalgic?

There isn’t much that does. I get more of a sadness at being older than looking back and thinking about my wonder years. They weren’t all that great. Maybe I should read The Monster at the End of This Book again and see if it sparks something deep in the well of me.

7) Do you have a set writing process?

I’m up Monday through Friday at 4:40 a.m. intent on being in front of the machine by 5 a.m. I try and get a good 2 to 2 ½ hours of writing in before I have to race to get to the job.

8) What advice would you give to young writers / people who are hopeless at doing it?

Young writers? Keep at it. If you only write when the feeling hits you, you’re doing it wrong. It’s called work for a reason. Hopeless ones? Well, maybe take up photography or painting.

9) If you could commit one crime and get away with it, what would it be?

I think it might be against U.S. Law for me to answer that. But you’ve been paying attention to the U.S. election, right?

10) Go on, have a superpower. What would you like?

I’d like to fly….or be fly…I’d like to be a well-dressed pimp of the sky.

11) You can smack any living person in the face and they won’t sue, I promise. Who are you hitting?

Without a doubt Donald Trump. That orange-coloured prick has stolen 2016 from most of us. Of course knowing him he’d sue no matter….would be worth it though.

12) It’s hard being a writer, isn’t it? Why do you do it?

I have no clue. I don’t know if it’s necessarily hard. Going to a job is hard. Having the same conversations with the same people every day is hard. I think writing is the only thing that makes me happy in this world. I get little satisfaction out of anything else. Writing seems to be one of the few things that bring joy to me.

13) You can sleep with any famous figure, alive or dead. Who are you taking?

Wow…now that’s a question. I mean where to start? I finally got around to Patti Smith’s Just Kids, so maybe Patti Smith in the 1970s. Of course, Toni Basil circa 1966 would be nice. But I’m a man of my time and place. My sexual awakening will always be tied to one famous woman. If it came down to it….Madonna anywhere from 1984-2000….course she’s great looking now, so….

14) What are some of your other passions, other than literature?

I’ve taken up photography this year. I’m bad at it but learning what I like in a photo. I try to draw and paint but I fail mostly. A passion this year that I’ve developed is going on Twitter at least once a day to tell Trump what a prick he is.

15) Tell me about any work you have published / will be publishing / can only dream of publishing

Countless poems thanks to the small lit zines. 3 books of poetry: The Noose Doesn’t Get Any Looser After You Punch Out, Glass City, and Starting with the Last Name Grochalski. Two novels: The Librarian and Wine Clerk. Next year I hope to start putting out poetry books on my own….but we’ll see. I might be sitting in some leftist internment camp with the other writers, or fighting in a U.S Civil War II: Electric Boogaloo.